i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
