just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
