it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
