Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
