Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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