if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His nipple licking is glorious
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