Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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