can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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