Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
