Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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