He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
