There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
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I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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