He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
