Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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