there's paper in my vomit.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
