dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
