next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
