i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
