Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
