The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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