So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize