Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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