No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
