nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize