So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
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Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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