I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.