I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hippo gnu deer
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up