Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.