i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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