ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.