look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.