Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.