What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.