My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
