3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
