I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
