I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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