If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
