His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
