My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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