You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
