bring money and cleavage
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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