I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
