so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
