if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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