You smell like stripper and shame
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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