Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
