I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
