I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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