its not stalking. its research.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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