Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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