Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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