Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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