haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
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So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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