Just fell off a train. Bad.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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