so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
