I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
