I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
