1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
