You're a womanizer and a bitch.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
