Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
3pm strippers are depressing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
