Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
