you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
