its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
