We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize