mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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