we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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