no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i will never coherently bang her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
