he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
