i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
