Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
