hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
