Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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