Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
