We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
