good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
