my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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