I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
