separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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