ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
